


catharsis, baBY–!

by ElmFlowers, ghostqueennotmean



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Background Cronus Ampora, Catharsis, Cronus Ampora is Not an Asshole, Depressed Eridan Ampora, Dream Bubbles (Homestuck), Everyone is Dead, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Genderfluid Eridan Ampora, Karkat Swearing, Literal Sleeping Together, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon Fix-It, Sad Eridan Ampora, Trolls (Homestuck), and yes i meant relationships i just can't spell, ask Flowchi when she comes back, leave me alone, look. I am but a small ghost trying to tag, no duh Casper of course there's catharsis, quite something., realtionships??? no clue, the first tag that pops up when I type 'dream bubbles' is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22471012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmFlowers/pseuds/ElmFlowers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostqueennotmean/pseuds/ghostqueennotmean
Summary: Flowchi/ElmFlowers: hey this talks about eridan in a positive light and we really be angry at feferi and some of the sketchy things she did :/Casper/ghostqueennotmean: I spent SO DAMN LONG learning how to do workskins to make this thing work, and I need everyone to know that I am disproportionately proud of that.We present to you a story where Eridan gets to scream and cry, and maybe even makes some friends along the way.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Kanaya Maryam, Eridan Ampora & Kanaya Maryam & Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora & Karkat Vantas, Past Eridan Ampora & Feferi Peixes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	catharsis, baBY–!

**Author's Note:**

> _"But why are there colours, Casper?"_ You may ask. Well, it's because this fic really _was_ a collab. I would write a bit and then Flowchi would write a bit, and we traded off like that. The colours are there to show who wrote what in this fic. I'm honestly wondering if y'all can guess which colour is whose in this thing, so if you have a hunch,,,, come scream at me.  
> -Casper

Eridan Ampora sits in their dreambubble and stares out into the void.

He’s been dead for a long while now, which means there has been a _shitton_ of time to re-evaluate life decisions and identity issues. A real party, obviously. But, realizations have been had, shit has gone down, and there is….. A lot to tackle here.

Simplest of all is probably the gender issue. Eridan is genderfluid, ooh ahh so cool, whoop-de-fucking-doo. Stating that resolving issues with _gender_ of all things is the simplest part of all of this really makes him consider the shit he’s gone through in here, but whatever. Moving on!

He’s been trapped in this stupid fucking bubble for something like. Hm. Four sweeps? Maybe less, maybe more, but time passes really weirdly when you’re dead. He wants to ask Aradia about it. Unfortunately, he can’t.

“Oh, but it’s a dreambubble!!” His inner Eridan screams. “You can move through dreambubbles, can’t you?”

Breaking News: _no he can’t._ Because Sgrub is apparently even more fucked than previously thought and now he’s sitting here and being forced to _play this stupid fucking game_ **_again_**. By _himself._ He’s stuck here in a dead as fuck game to do his personal quest and attempt to make a frog, which is slightly complicated by the fact that he’s not a space player. He has a brand spankin’ new personal quest, a new dreamself, and all that fucking jazz. 

Did he forget to mention the sprite and the robot in here too? Because there’s a trans robot and a cat-bird-troll-kid sprite fusion that’s partially made of one of his dead session mate’s also here with them. The Three Musketeers or some shit, don’t ask Eridan. Were they really a team? Eridan, Hallie, and Davepetasprite^2. A team.

Nah. Too chaotic for that.

The last thing to tackle is the fact that the game (as in THE game, the alpha timeline one that he was part of) has been completed and won, and by the laws of Sgrub or some shit, he’s free to leave his dreambubble and live in the new universe (because of alpha timeline bullshit or something yaddy yadda whatever).

So. Eridan is currently in a dreambubble that he can only partially control, with a sprite and a robot and crippling depression by his side, and he is _still fucking ruminating over the same fucking issue he’s been ruminating on since six sweeps old,_ and at this point he’s not even sure if he’s _wanting_ to eliminate it from his mental laundry list of Fucked Up Shit–

“You should do it someday, y’know.” Hallie’s voice breaks the silence. Eridan jolts, batting at the air behind them in some vague attempt to swat away the scare. They hiss after a second, relaxing and going back to staring vaguely into space.

“I knoww. I knoww I should, but wwhen am I gonna be able to? Not like I see her vvery often noww anywway.” 

“You’re pouting.” The bot points out. Eridan pointed a middle finger in her general direction.

“Am not.”

“Are too!”

“Are wwe really actin’ like children noww?” The robot’s joints creak as she sits down beside them. Eridan send a petulant glance towards her.

“Well, if we’re speaking technically, we _are_ still–”

“Oh, _hush.”_ They can see little red lights flashing in their periphery, which means Hallie is probably laughing. “Okay, smartass, and _wwhen_ wwould wwe be doin’ that?”

 _“We_ wouldn’t. _You_ would, with us backing you up.” Eridan scowls. 

“Don’t wwanna.”

“You should.”

“Just ‘cause I should doesn’t mean I _wwill.”_ Hallie rolls her eyes, body making some odd mix of sounds as she turns to wave at someone. Probably Davepetasprite^2, if Eridan had to guess. Who else would it be? 

Wow. Living in a dreambubble with only two friends. What a life they lead. 

“Well, you will. I’m sure of it!”

“And _wwhy_ is _that?_ ‘Cause I’m strong? ‘Bravve’? Somethin’ cheesy like that?”

“Well, that too. But mostly because Her Royal Fishstick is coming over right now.” 

Eridan turns towards where Hallie was pointing and, lo and fucking behold, _there she is._

Haha. 

**Fuck.**

“Can I run??? Is there a’ option to fucking run???” Panic starts up and Jegus fuck, is Eridan not fucking ready for this.

“I mean, I’m pretty sure the rest of your friends would want some sort of explanation for some of the things that happened.” She points to the group trailing a bit farther behind her. “But if you do run, uh, good luck. Feferi might be a bitch, but she’s a bitch with speed and a right hook that will punt you into the newly made stratosphere.”

Eridan lets out a sound of pain and deep fucking regret. Something halfway between an hissed exhale and a grimace. Haha, **_shit._ **

“-----ERIDAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

HAHA, **_SHIT._ **

“Fuck fuck, no I fuckin’ can’t do this, get me out of here I can’t do this,” He takes a sharp inhale. “Hallie, I can’t do this please.”

Hallie levels him with a look of genuine concern. “Don’t worry, we’re right here with you. But if you genuinely can’t do it we’ll get you out.”

Eridan can’t, he can’t fucking-- _in for four, hold, out for four, hold_ , okay. Okay, it’s okay, he’s okay. He steels himself and gets ready to deal with her.

He pivots on his heel and faces her. “Hey, Feferi.”

“----ER-I- _DAN!”_ She is _fuming,_ what the fresh-caught fuck did Hallie even _tell her_ to get her this pissed– _“I )(---EARD_ that _YOU_ were wanting to talk!!!”

They shoot a glare over at Hallie, and the useless excuse for a FNAF character _shrugs._ They’re going to actually kill them after all this is over. 

“...yes, I did.” She scoffs, throwing her hands up and looking at the sky as if the clouds there are going to help her any. They float above her silently (probably _also_ judging her dramatics and returning a solid 1 out of 10) and she gives up and returns to her previous pose of hands on hips, one leg cocked like it’s a loaded gun.

A loaded gun that is probably going to kick them to death. Again.

 _“W)(ale then,_ how about you actually start TALKING!!” Something within them finally snaps and they sigh.

“That’s wwhat I’vve been _doin’_ for the past _howwevver-fuckin’-many swweeps,_ but apparently you must be fuckin’ _deaf_ because ya nevver _listened!”_

 _“Fight Clawb!”_ Davepetasprite^2 cheers in the background. Somehow, it makes Eridan feel a little better. _“Fight Clawb, Fight Clawb!!!_ Show her what you’re made of, Eridan!!!” Hallie hushes the sprite quickly.

“No, no, honey. The fist fight is later.”

“He’d _lose_ in a fish-fight against me.” She says, and Eridan scowls at her. There’s a whole herd of people coming up behind her and all he can think is _lovely, a captive audience._

Or a better chance to expose the beach– er, bitch. Whichever and whatever.

“First a’ all, I _wwouldn’t,_ second a’ all, this is a battle of _wwords._ D’ya knoww wwhat those are? Huh? Am I speakin’ to a fuckin’ guppy?”

“---Eri–”

 _“–wwhatevva,_ Fef!! I don’t _care_ about wwhatever you wwanna say, and you’re gonna sit the fuck dowwn and listen to _me_ for a fuckin’ minute, because ya nevver did before!!”

“---Eridan, this is _ridiculous!”_

“Didn’t you hear him? _Shaddup!!”_ Hallie yells, and Feferi’s glare could kill a man. Eridan steps in front of her as she starts moving, holding a hand up to stop her.

“Fef. Wwhatevver is happening here is betwween you an’ me. _Ignore them.”_ She flares her fins and he tenses.

“Why can’t you be _reasonable?_ You were always reasonable when we were moirails, even if I had to suffer through it half the time to keep you calm, so why can’t you be reasonable _NOW?!”_

Eridan’s mind stutters to a screeching halt. They slowly turn and stare right into her eyes. “Feferi, you, you do realize that the shit I said wwas like, the most basic levvel of moiraillegiance, right?” He waves it off. “Wwhatevver, I’ll just talk about that later.”

He briefly looks past her again, and he, does not recognize any of these people??? Except his friends, of course, but literally, who are they??? There’s another set of twelve trolls all sharing his friends and his own signs, there’s eight, humans??? He thinks???

He shakes his head, trying to refocus. “Okay, the reason wwhy I asked to talk wwith you is because of howw fuckin’ _shitty_ you are.”

“I’M SHITTY??????” She screeches in surprise. “Says the person who fucking KRILLED M----E!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Don’t forget attempted murder on Kan, and destruction of the matriorb.” He mutters. “I wwon’t deny that I’m shitty. I kneww that I wwas shitty before Sgrub, I fucking KNOWW I’m shitty. There wwere literal fuckin’ restuarants saying “No pets and no Eridan Ampora” I fucking got it. This isn’t me shifting the blame, this is me, a certified and doctor in “being an asshole”, calling you, a currently undocumented asshole, out.”

“---ERI--”

“Shut the fuck UP! I’m not fuckin’ _done_. Do you wwant me to get out the fucking laundry list of bullshit you’vve done???” Eridan pats the pockets of his striped comfy pants. “‘Cause I’ll fucking do it.”

“Um. Not to intrude on your little confrontation, but,”

Eridan and Feferi both turn towards the flat monotone.

“What the fuck is that?” A skinny tall as fuck guy with, _holy fuck are those triangle eastern Alternian animation shades,_ dressed in magenta asks, pointing at Hallie.

“HaHA, OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME, I’VE GOTTA GO, BYE.” Hallie stands up and starts backing away, with an expression caught in between panic and a lovechild of a grimace and smile.

“Oh, no you fUCKING _DON’T.”_ Eridan shouts at Hallie, who freezes. “You wwere the FUCKER wwho got me into this mess. You are fucking **staying here.** ” He whirls around, pointing to Mister Dorito-Face. “And **_you._** _This_ is not the time for you to be playin’ Doctor Frankenstein in this bitch. Long story short, Hallie is your little robot buddy from a different timeline. And she is not a _that,_ she is a _girl._ Shut your fuckin’ mouth and let me deal with one situation at a fuckin’ time or I swwear to evverythin’ unholy that I _wwill_ make ya eat your stupid fuckin’ glasses and shove your stupid fuckin’ poofy sleevves _so far up your fuckin’ ass–”_

“–Eridan, calm down.” DPS^2 interrupts him, and he takes a deep breath.

“Right. _Wwe_ wwill deal with you later.” The guy seems like he’s about to speak, but Eridan sends him a glare so aggressive that it makes him flicker from godtier form to normal. The only human he can remember, Roxy _(thank god for Roxy)_ puts a hand on his arm.

“Not right now, Dirk. Later.” She pulls him back. “Dirk” gives her a look, but nods. Eridan stares back, trying to ignore how his movements and stupid shades look too much like Hallie’s for comfort.

“Sorry. Continue.” Eridan nods at him before rounding back on a slightly twitching Feferi.

“So.”

“--Eridan, come on. We’re both logical people, right? We’re both calm and level headed and we can work through this–”

“Don’t you _dare_ try an’ play peacemaker wwith me right noww. I didn’t _ask ya_ to come ovver here, that’s the fault of someone wwho I _wwill not name_ at the moment, but ya know wwhat? Noww that wwe’re here, wwith a _wwhole fuckin’ audience before us,_ I’m more than wwilling to talk. So, hi!! Hi, wwe’re here noww and wwe’re doin’ this. _Wwhat_ did ya think you wwere accomplishin’ back then, huh? _Wwhat_ wwere you givvin’ back in that stupid fuckin’ excuse for a fuckin’ moraillegiance?”

“I was keeping you CLAM!!!” She damn near _screams_ back, and Eridan feels their eye twitch. “You SAW what happened when I left you!! You _KNOW_ what you did!!!!!!!”

“I acted like an asshole, wwe’ve gone ovver this already. Wwe’re wworkin’ on gettin’ you to realize _your_ asshole behavviour.”

 _“T)(---ER----E_ **_WAS_ ** _NON---------E!!!!”_ She snaps, and holy fuck is she ever pissed now. Eridan is gritting his damn teeth.

 _“BUT THERE FUCKIN’ WWAS!!!!_ **_WWHO_** _BROUGHT YA ALL YOUR FUCKIN’ DEAD LUSII BECAUSE YOU WWERE TOO SOFT TO DO IT YOURSELF?!_ ** _WWHO_** _DID YOU PLACE THE WWEIGHT OF ALL THAT FUCKIN’ VVIOLENCE AND KILLIN’ ON?! MOTHERFUCKING_ ** _WWHO_** _GOT WWITCHHUNTED BECAUSE A’ YOUR FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE,_ ** _VVICTIM-BLAMIN’ BEHAVVIOUR,_** _AND_ ** _WWHO_** _DID YOU BLAME ALL OF THAT PAIN AND SUFFERIN’ ON?! HUH? YOU SAID YOU WWERE GONNA BE BETTER THAN_ ** _)(ER,_** _BUT GUESS WWHAT!!! GUESS WWHAT,_ ** _YOU’RE NOT!!!!!_** _YOU’RE NOT SOME AMAZIN’ PERSON, FEF, YOU’RE SHITTY JUST LIKE THE REST A’ US!”_ The girl in front of him was gaping, mouth opening and closing like… well, like a fish. They were too angry to even acknowledge it, or notice the way that everyone behind Feferi was staring in awe. 

Eridan takes a deep breath. “Do you havve any fucking clue howw that affected me? Evvery time I close my eyes I can see candy red blood spilling into the water from dowwned lusus, wwhich, in human terms wwould be considered a parent.” You briefly glance over to the humans. “I had to orphan so many trolls. I had to kill so many lusii to keep the planet alivve.”

“You N---EV----ER complained though!” 

“I did!” He shouts. “I fucking said so many goddamned times that this shit wwas eating me alivve, I asked for help, hell, I fucking _begged_ for you to help, but every single time you turned me dowwn.” The humans are shifting back and forth awkwardly, glancing at Feferi with _something_ in their eyes. Eridan almost doesn’t care.

“Cod, do you evven knoww the extent of howw fucking _shitty_ you are?” He runs his hand through his hair. God he’s fucking tired. He has been for a very long time. “Do you evven knoww wwhy our moiraillegiance didn’t wwork? I'll givve you a hint: it wwasn’t just because I had a flush crush.”

Feferi didn’t answer.

“You nevver bothered to treat my emotions seriously.”

“WHAT DO YOU M----EAN???” And, goddamn she's loud. “ **I** was the one who had to clam you down from your dumb genocidal tendencies!!!”

“Yeah, tendencies I nevver evven had.” Eridan levels. “You kneww damn wwell that if I really, truly, wwanted them dead I wwould havve done it a lot sooner. Literally evverything wwas right there to do it.”

She didn't say anything.

“Besides, that shit wwas fucking false anywways. All brainwwashed rhetoric that wwas hammered into us highbloods as a means for control and all the fuckin’ jazz.” Eridan shrugs. “But that’s just getting off fuckin’ topic. You nevver fucking bothered. Remember the first and only fucking time I tried to talk to you wwith my real emotions on full fucking display? You wwent and gossiped wwith another seadwweller abou’ all my feelings and shit. Got constantly harassed until I finally shot dowwn their lusus, and subsequently them.” He sighs. “You evven wwent and did that wwith fucking _Sollux,_ wwhich I kind of understand wwhy, thanks to the fucked up wway you see him and all the rest of our friends. Fuckin’ announced to evveryone his incredibly personal issues like it wwas just entertainment.”

“W)(AL---E, I mean, it was!”

Eridan looked at Feferi incredulously. “Wwoww, do you knoww howw fuckin’ messed up that is?”

She tilts her head in confusion.

“....Wwhatever, back to the feelings part. You couldn't evven bother to care about the feelings of your friends. I can recall multiple times you did this to our friends and to me. It’s dehumanizing(?) and fuckin’ rude as hell.”

She doesn't say anything, just gives a look of uncomfortable acceptance. Like she doesn't even know that what she did was wrong in any way.

“I remember vvery fuckin’ clearly the beggining of our moiraillegiance. You wwanted a scapegoat, I wwanted someone to havve some sort of faith in me. So wwhat happened wwas that wwith the help of you and my shitty shitty lusus I turned into a loser wwith no hope of being someone other than a murderer and an asshole.”

Their eyes glance behind Feferi to see their friends (and their friend’s friends, and Dork or whatever the fuck his name was) staring in shock. Some are looking at Eridan in amazement, some at Fef, and some have their heads on a swivel and are glancing between both of the trolls at the same time. He wants to scream. 

“And you knoww wwhat else? I thought that havving somethin’ wwith you wwould be good. Wwe’re close in blood, but you’re higher than me, and you knoww wwhat that means?”

“That you get a step up in the world?” She dares to scowl at him. He sighs.

“Evveryone is gonna see it that wway, I knoww, but it’s not. Feferi, you are a _fuschia._ I wwould die before you, and I knoww it sounds cruel, but _fuck._ I didn’t wwanna havve to wwatch my fuckin’ moirail _die_ before me. Okay? Selfish, shellfish, wwhatevver ya wwanna call it, I don’t givve a shit. I thought… I thought that wwe could _understand_ one another and keep shit privvate and _trust one another_ wwith stupid shit like feelin’s–”

“I ASK--ED YOU ABOUT YOUR F--E--ELINGS!!! And _you_ never wanted to T--ELL M----E!!!!” Aaand she’s back to screaming. Great. They heave a heavy sigh.

“That wwasn’t talkin’ that wwas you interrogatin’ me to fake your nurturing side or wwhatevver. I’m tryin’ to stay calm here, could you please–”

“I _AM_ CLAM!!!” Eridan stops and stares at her. The trolls behind her shifted, starting to send her looks. “I )(AV--E B--E--EN NOT)(ING _BUT_ CLAM SINC--E YOUR STUPID MOIRAILLGIANCE WIT)( ME _START-----ED!!!!!!!!”_

“No, you havven’t.” They’re tired. Angry, but tired, and they honestly aren’t sure whether it would feel better to sleep or snap. “You really havven’t. You’vve been gossipy, manipulative, and a dowwnright wwitch, and I say that because you’re supposed t’ be manipulating your aspect or wwhatevver and instead you manipulate evveryone else.”

 _“-----Eridan.”_ She hisses, sharp teeth bared in a threat. Eridan suppresses the urge to step back. _“------Eridan_ ** _fucking_** _Ampora, you. Are. A_ ** _liar.”_** They feel their eyebrows shoot straight into their hairline. Hallie growls from behind them.

“Oh, you’d better fuckin’ _hold me back–”_ Eridan turns around in time to see DPS^2 grab her out of the air, her feet kicking uselessly in their hold. He smiles gently despite it all and catches her eye.

“Thank you.” Two simple words.

Hallie calms down. 

DPS^2 doesn’t let go of her yet, since that would be the bad idea to end all bad ideas, but they do adjust their hold around her. Hallie slowly exhales.

“...Sorry. I love you.”

“Lovve you too, Bolts.” She gives a sheepish smile and Eridan turns back around. Feferi is still glaring.

“S--E--E?! You _never_ came to M--E with all that stuff!!! You never told me ANYFIN about yourself!!!!! And I told you _all about me,_ and you– NOT)(ING!!!!” 

Eridan looks her dead in the eyes and makes the mental decision to snap over nap.

“Feferi. Wwhy wwould I wwant to tell you _anythin’_ after– wwell, _first of all,_ after seeing howw ya treat my personal information, but _second off,_ after hearin’ howw ya talk about all a’ our other friends.” She’s puffing up now, ready to burst.

“AND _)(OW_ DID I TALK ABOUT T)(---EM???” 

“...you really wwant to go there?”

 _“GO W)(--ER--E?!”_ Eridan’s eyes harden as they straighten up.

“I havve been trapped in this dreambubble for a _fuck-off long_ amount a’ time, Fef’. You knoww wwhat your horroterrors gavve me? Ya knoww wwhat the univverse decided to givve me in here? They made me sit here and fuckin’ replay evvery single bit a’ that game. Evvery convversation and evvery action wwe took. I havve heard _so much_ of your shit since I got inta’ this thing and I _knoww_ wwhat you said by _heart._ You wwanna do this in front a’ evveryone? I’m givvin’ you an out here. Think _long an’ sloww_ about wwhat you’re gonna say.”

“I have NOT)(ING to hide, thank you very much!! I’m not LIK---E YOU, I’m not YOU!!!!” He gives her one last hard look before sighing.

“Alright. Havve it your wway.”

“Are they gonna do the thing?” DPS^2 whispered. Eridan tried to suppress his smile.

“He’s gonna do the thing.” Hallie whispered back. Eridan took that as a sign to crack his knuckles and wave his hand off to the side. The air warped wherever his hand moved and he quietly allowed himself to pretend he was a wizard. Gog knew he _dressed_ like one, what normal troll would wear striped pants??

(One that valued comfort, _that_ troll.)

As his hand completes its arc, a shimmering window now hangs in the air where his hand went. He glances up quickly to make sure everyone can see and is paying attention before sighing and snapping his fingers. The “screen” comes to life with a memory of Feferi, seen through Eridan’s eyes. She was floating underwater, gazing at a golden cage with a handful of cuttlefish inside. There was a small smile on her face and an odd look in her eyes. Eridan of the present makes eye contact with her one last time before letting the thing play.

 _“--Eridan, look at how CUT--E they are!!!!”_ Past Feferi was saying. Past Eridan hummed.

 _“Yeah, I guess they are.”_ Past Feferi pouted, all big eyes and fishy lips as her skirt swayed in the water with the movement.

 _“Not ‘I guess,’ it’s an ‘I KNOW’!!!!!!”_ She was doing what was probably her best impression of bouncing. _“They’re ADORABL----E!!!!!!!”_

 _“Mm.”_ Her eyes turned hard. 

_“----E-ri-DAN!! AT L----EAST ACT ---EXCIT----ED W)(---EN I’M TALKING!!!! DO YOU KNOW )(OW )(ORRIBL------E T)(AT MAK-------ES M---------E F------------E------------EL???”_ The memory shakes as past Eridan (and present Eridan) flinch.

 _“Sorry! I’m sorry, jeez Fef’. They’re cute, okay?”_ Past Feferi immediately brightened. Present Eridan scowls. _“Wwell, wwhat do you find so cute about them anywways? Since wwe all see different things as cute…”_ Past Feferi shot him a look that makes Present Eridan positively _squirm._ God, he hates that look.

 _“W)(AL---E–”_ And Past Eridan flinches again. _“They’re all just so sweet, and calm… it makes me happy that I can protect them like this!! I can catch them to save them from the predators, keep them safe in here, and then I can release them when it’s safe again!! Or when I get bored of playing with them, hehe!!”_ A pause. _“...you know, they remind me of the others.”_

 _“The… others?”_ Past Eridan said. Present Eridan braces for it and forces himself to look away from the screen. The other trolls, both the ones he knows and the ones he doesn’t, are hanging onto every word that Past Feferi is spitting. The humans are paying attention more than he thought they would– but that doesn’t matter, because if shit is going sideways now, shit is about to go backwards, upside-down _and_ inside-out simultaneously.

 _“Yeah!! The other trolls!!”_ She said, and Present Eridan can feel the collective gasp that’s taken, as if the air is being sucked from his own lungs. _“You know, the landdwellers!! They’re all so CUT--E!! But it’s so dangerous for them out there!!! I wanna invite them all to be part of_ my _court when I’m queen, because then they won’t have to worry about anything!! I’d do everything for them, you know? Just like my cuttlefish!!!”_

“diid… diid 2he ju2t compare u2 two fuckiin _cuttlefiish?!”_ Sollux says, before the others hush him to hear the rest of this bullshit.

 _“That… sounds like you wwanna make them playthings, Fef’.”_ Past Feferi’s glare is paired with a menacing smile that time, and Present Eridan feels each and every internal organ he still possesses lurch.

_“---Eridan.”_

_“–of course you don’t, of course!! You just wwant to… protect them.”_ A pause. Past Eridan’s voice was strained. _“Wwhy do wwe need to protect them, though?”_

 _“Because SOM--E of us want them alive, silly!!!!”_ Past Feferi sang back. Present Eridan can’t take it anymore and makes the executive decision that this is enough for now. They turn to Feferi, who had watched the memory in silence.

“This is wwhy I wwanted ta’ givve you an out.” She sniffs, looking down her nose at them.

“W)(ale it’s not _my_ fault for wanting to PROT--ECT T)(--EM!!”

“IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? TO _PROTECT US?!”_ Karkat’s voice is the one thing that’s possibly able to be louder and shriller than Feferi’s. And _holy fuck,_ is it ever. “IS THAT ALL WE ARE TO YOU?? SOME FUCKING CHARITY CASE??”

“You’re all soft and gentle, like my cuddlefish!!! I need to keep you safe, it’s my duty as a ruler!!!!!” She responds without hesitation. Rose almost has her jaw on the _fucking floor_ at this point, and Eridan is inclined to agree. “If I was queen and if you were in my court, I would make the world safe and soft for you!! I would take you away from all the danger–”

“–And Put Us In A Golden Cage.” Kanaya whispers. Eridan looks closely at her and… fuck. She’s crying? “Feferi, I May Not Be A Lowblood, But I Am The Lowest Of The Highbloods. You… You Thought Of Me Like That This Whole Time?”

“ii wa2 fuckiin riight. _you_ were the one who fuckiin 2pread all that 2hiit about me. ii told you that 2tuff iin _priivate_ and ii came two you after iit 2tarted appeariing everywhere two talk about iit and feeliing2 jam or whatever the fuck, and you mu2st have turned around and _2pread iit more.”_ Feferi is looking between them all with genuine confusion on her face. How dense can one person be?

“I don’t… I don’t UND---ERSTAND!!! I’m DIFF--ER--ENT from )(er, you know that I am!!!! This is a revolution!!!”

“iT,,, sOUNDS MORE LIKE, uHM, sLAVERY TO ME,,,” Tavros– _Tavros still has legs that’s weird–_ jumps in. His voice is shakey, because of course it is, he’s _Tavros,_ but his face is angry. Angry and forlorn, some mix of the two. Maybe even… betrayed, if Eridan wanted to guess. Feferi now has _her_ jaw on the floor.

 _“SLAV----ERY??????????_ NO!!!!!!!! It is NOT SLAV--------ERY!!!!!!!!!” She’s screaming again, but not in anger. She seems more shocked at the sentence. “IT IS _NOT SLAV------ERY!!!!_ YOU KNOW T)(AT!!!!”

“...d0 we?” Aradia says. There’s muttering from around the group. Feferi shakes her head dramatically and points to Kanaya.

 _“Kanaya_ knows it’s not!!! Right, Kanaya?” And _fuck she has so much faith in being believed it’s almost funny._ Kanaya has her hand over her mouth and green tears streaming from her eyes.

“Feferi. _No.”_

“S--E--E??? _NOT–”_

“Feferi. Please… Please Stop.” Her voice is getting weaker and weaker. Rose and Karkat run over to support her. Eridan stays in place, too embarrassed by the actions of their past to go up to her without properly apologizing. “You… You Are Not In The Right Here. At _All._ Feferi, I–” Her voice breaks and she has to stop speaking. Eridan has their lips pursed shut by now, not daring to make another sound until the group has their turn to speak. Trolls and humans alike are staring at her in pure shock. 

“he was y0ur matesprite and y0u th0ught 0f him like a fish.” Aradia is saying. Sollux has his psionics flickering, and the troll dressed in yellow behind him is veritably frothing at the mouth. Eridan guesses that’s his alternate universe version or some shit. They resolve to call him Not-Sol. Not-Sol is seizing, making noises like a goddamn wounded lusus _(bad image bad image–)_ and flailing his arms around like an idiot. He’s being held back by who looks like Not-Gam, and _holy fuck those are stitches tHOSE ARE FUCKING STITCHES_ **_ON HIS MOUTH_ ** _OKAY OKAY NOT-GAM IS NOT-TO-BE-FUCKED-WITH,_ and Not-Gam is also holding back a troll who looks like Not-TZ. She’s chanting something about justice and struggling to break free, Not-Sol is thrashing about like he’s trying to rip Not-Gam’s arm off, and Not-Gam is looking as if he’s praying to whatever higher being is out there to give him five shots of the strongest liquor they can provide so he might gain the strength to cope with this shit. Aradia is currently rolling up her sleeves and there’s a Not-Dead-Aradia (a Not-DA, if you will) behind her flinging words out in some weird-ass language and sounding like an unsubtitled Eastern Alternian animation.

“HANDS UP, BITCH!!!” Someone yells, and Eridan is shocked to find who he presumes is Not-Him shoving out of the crowd. There’s someone with two very long braids behind hi-- _oh shit that’s Not-Fef oh fuck oh shit–_

“W)(AT TH----E FUCK, YOU CAST---EST BITC)(????? GILLFROND, AND H--ER--E I T)(OUG)(T _I_ WAS BAD!!!! )(OW T)(---E _FUCK_ CAN YOU B---E SO MUCH WORS------E???????” Feferi is backpedalling like it’s her fucking job and Eridan moves out of the way quietly.

“WAIT WAIT WAIT–”

“–I _SAID,_ HANDS UP BITCH!!!” Not-Him repeats, and Feferi squeaks.

“I DON’T KNOW )(AND-TO-)(AND!!!!”

 _“EVWEN BETTER, C’MERE YOU–”_ Terezi’s cane gets shoved in front of him and subsequently smacks Feferi on “““ _accident,”””_ and suddenly there’s even more yelling.

"H3Y YOU D1PSH1TS, COME H3R3 AND H3LP US K33P CRONUS FROM COMMITTING TROLL SLAUGHT3R!!” She’s yelling, and Roxy visibly rolls her eyes.

“the bitch deserves it!!!!!”

“Y34H, BUT 1D R4TH3R NOT 1MPR1SON SUCH 4 H3RO!!” Roxy bursts into laughter and Eridan is not ashamed to say that they do too, cackling like a dumbass and almost falling over from the force of it. They laugh _so_ hard, actually, that DPS^2 has to swoop over and catch them before they collapse. The line keeps echoing in their head and it makes it impossible to keep a straight face, and _oh god this is their life now, stuck in a permanent state of laughter–_

“W)(Y AR---E YOU GUYS ACTING LIK---E T)(IS???????” Feferi’s voice snaps him right out of _that_ mood.

A silence falls. An unbearably tense and awkward one.

“Um. I think it’s because we just found out about your batshit insane mindset?” A kid in glasses and a truly long ass blue hood awkwardly says.

“W)(AT!!!!!!! My mindset isn’t fucking batshit!!!!!!!!!” Her voice starts edging on insanity. “W)(---I, YOU fucking B------EAC)(---ES!!!!!!!! I’m doing this for your own good!!!!”

“That’s a ‘yikes’ from me.” A dude in red and sunglasses grimaced.

“Feferi, your mindset was SO fuckin’ batshit that I, someone wwho wwas activvely keeping up the charade of bein’ genocidal, nearly fuckin’ barfed.” Eridan massaged the bridge of his nose. “I could keep goin’, y’knoww. I havve SO many receipts.”

“No!!! No more!!! I can’t take this SLAND---ER on my character!!!”

Eridan just, doesn’t even try and hide how exhausted he is. He’s tired. God, he’s so fucking tired. “Feferi, I havve a question.” (i know its wacky im sorry) 

“W)(AT?!?! W)(AT DO YOU WANT!?!?”

“Do you still think that I wwant the extermination of all lowwbloods?”

“I mean, yeah?! That’s ALL you ever talked about???”

“Damn, you really didn’t listen to half the shit I said---HEY SOL!”

“what.” Sollux says, sounding like he’s in shock, which, yeah. He probably is.

“Wwhat did it feel like wwhen you got K’Od?”

“iit felt liike a really hard 2hove.”

“Feferi, wwhat did it feel like wwhen you got killed?”

“Like I was being pierced by your fucking gun!!!”

“Alright, I’m just going to,,,wwait for you to connect the dots.” He does a sort of ‘connecting-the-dots’ motion. 

“I don’t get it.” She says, with genuine confusion.

“ _Jegus fuck, let the signless help me_ \----I’m just goin’ to wwait for you to understand some time later.” He massages his temples. Has he mentioned how fucking tired he is? He’s fucking _tired._ “Okay, on to my last point because I wwant to finally get out of this damned dreambubble and finally settle dowwn on some random place on Earth C. I heard that Wwashington’s pretty nice.” He taps his index finger on his lip. “Let’s tackle your fucking manipulation!!!”

He tries to communicate _‘Hallie, if I breakdowwn, please get me the fuck out of here’_ through a pained smile-grimace to Hallie. She nods in understanding and gives him two thumbs up. _Fuck yeah your friend’s the best._

“Okay uh, wwhere fuck do I start.” He stares into the middle distance for a moment. “Y’knoww,” he turns his attention to everyone. “I used to be a normal fuckin’ troll. A normal fuckin’ kid. I liked magic! I lovved doin’ magic tricks and readin’ up on all that fuckin’ lore!!! You say genocide. Wwell, guess fuckin’ _wwhat_.”

“W)(AT!?”

“So, as it turns out, if you wwanna kill, y’knoww, hundreds upon hundreds of lusii, you havve to somehoww justify killing innocents. And also just fuckin’ forget evverythin’ that doesn’t jivve wwith bein’ a fucking murderer.” He smiles a pained smile. “And guess wwho fuckin’ perpatrated that?”

“I didn’t---”

“No. No, don’t you fuckin’ START wwith that.” Eridan fucking growls out. “Jegus, dont fuckin’ TRY. You took advvantage of me to do your fuckin’ dirty wwork, and now 4 swweeps later, I havve PTSD, general anxiety disorder, and depression!”

“)(--”

“NO! I’m not fuckin’ _done._ The moment you fuckin’ threww me awway, I wwas _literally nothing._ You took evverythin’, literally evverythin’, my entire personhood and molded it into wwhat you wwanted, wwhat you needed. A person to take on the grueling dirt wwork wwhile you prided yourself on bein’ sooo benevvolent all the damn time. Wwhat you ended up wwith wwas a broken and traumatized kid wwho relied on you to make him wwhole.”

She doesn’t say anything. Good. 

“You dropped me once I wwasn’t needed. You only needed me to do your dirty wwork, and then you fuckin’ dropped me for neww shiny toys to play wwith, and I wwas left wwith nothin’.” Eridan spits out bitterly. “Wwhy do you think I wwas fuckin’ slippin’ up right after you threww me awway?”

“God, my head’s so fucked.” He sighs. “I’m really lucky that I evven managed to still keep kickin’. Wwould’vve probably,” He stumbles over his words. “Y’knoww. Wwould’vve done _that.”_

“In conclusion, thanks to you, I havve to deal wwith so much fuckin’ bullshit and hurt. I’vve been hurt, I’vve been permanently traumatized, and it’s all thanks to your manipulativve ass.” 

Feferi still says nothing. Karkat, however, does. 

“Eridan.” He’s not yelling. Eridan has to do a double-take and points to themselves with one clawed finger. _“Yes, you fucking_ – yeah. Yeah, I meant you. Would you have really…?” Eridan sighs, rubbing their face roughly as if it’s going to make everything go away. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t. 

“Yeah.” They mumble into their palm. Then, louder– “Yeah. I fuckin’ wwould’vve. Sometimes I wwonder if that’s wwhy I attacked Sol and Fef back then.” There’s dead silence. 

Kanaya clears her throat. Eridan turns to look at her more directly, watching her shaky steps and counting them as she draws nearer. One. Two. Three. Four. Fivesixseven–

“Eridan. I… I– May I Ask You Something?” Her voice is still just as weak as it was before, but Kanaya fucking Maryam is standing before him, straight-backed and with hands in fists in all her glory, and Eridan feels like he should bow to her power. He lowers his gaze and takes a deep breath.

“Go ahead.”

“When… When That Fight Happened. When I Used My Lipstick On You.” Eridan suppresses the urge to flinch and nods, looking up. Her eyes are shining, but her mouth is set. “You Are Stronger Than Me.”

“Yes.”

“You Know That.”

“Yes.”

 _“I_ Know That.”

“Wwell, I suppose ya do.”

“...You Could Have Stopped Me.” Eridan feels his blood stop pumping. _Shit._

“I… could havve.” She eyes him up carefully, bottom lip trembling. Eridan is preparing for the next question to hit, for his weakness to be displayed in front of her– “May I Give You A Hug?” Her voice goes up at the end and she’s obviously getting upset again. 

...Eridan can’t resist. They let their face crumple, let some of the tension drop from their shoulders, and look her in the eyes.

_“Please.”_

Kanaya has her arms around him the next second, and he lets himself relax into her. She’s skinnier than he was as a kid, no small feat considering the shit that he went through, but she’s taller than him. Her stance is firm and stable, and the more weight he puts on her the steadier she becomes. She is, quite literally, a pillar of support, and Eridan can feel himself slowly breaking the longer this goes on. The weight of the world is crashing back down on him again, but this time it’s like he’s _allowed_ to feel it and he’s _allowed_ to cry about it, and _fuck it this is happening now–_

And now Eridan is crying in Kanaya’s arms and they’re both sinking to the ground and _fuck when was the last time he cried like this when someone was holding him, when another fucking TROLL was holding him because Hallie and DPS^2 could only give him so much and_ **_holyfuckwhydidthisfeelsogood–_ **

“Oh no+ yo+u do+n’t, sweetheart.” Another voice, honey-smooth and rich and deep, makes him glance up. There’s a troll who, judging by the horns, is Not-Kan. He says judging by the horns because judging by everything else, Not-Kan looks like she was headed for the dreambubble next door (if you catch his slightly-rude drift). In any case, Not-Kan is pushing past Feferi and is kneeling next to Kanaya and Eridan. He looks at her with crooked glasses and she smiles, lip piercing shining. “It’s o+kay, ho+ney. Yo+u do+n’t kno+w me, but my name is Po+rrim. I’m Kanaya’s… well. Timeline shenanigans. The po+int is, I am her, but different. And I’m go+ing to+ try and help, o+kay?” 

Eridan, frankly, doesn’t know if he believes _any_ of the promises that just came out of her mouth, but trusting Porrim can’t do him any harm right now considering they’re all already dead and he’s already godtiered, so he nods. Slowly, but it’s there, and Kanaya holds him closer. Porrim smiles.

“Okay. I’m go+ing to+ take yo+ur glasses o+ff so+ they do+n’t get all messy, o+kay?” Another slow nod, and she slips his glasses off of his face with such care and gentleness that it makes him cry _harder,_ how the genuine honest-to-Jegus _fuck_ is that even possible when he’s already sobbing his eyes out, and _for fuck’s sakes if he’s gonna be left hanging with just one person hugging him he’s gonna whine so much,_ would someone just hurry up and fucking HOLD HIM (other than Kanaya, thank you Kanaya, _holy fuck he needed to pull himself together and stop rambliNG–)_

For now, he settles for the jadeblood currently dropping tears onto his shoulder and thanks anyone that might’ve been listening that her shirt was black and wouldn’t stain purple after all of this. 

_Wow Eridan, still worrying about everything but yourself! Great job!!!_

Somewhere behind them, Hallie and DPS^2 are causing a fuss, and Dork is doing something too, but there’s not any explosions and Eridan gives zero shits, so he tries to forget about it and just focuses on existing in the present moment. Not in the future, not in the past, not planning about how he might have to fight for his life or relive another shitty day in this stupid fucking dreambubble, he just… _exists._

...existing is scary, he realizes. And it hurts. He’s used to pushing it all down and just letting it all explode out of him sometimes and destroying lusii or people or parts of his stupid little island thing where his hive used to be and pretending that his actions were okay because he felt marginally different. Not… not better. It was never better, but it was _something,_ but now he’s being allowed to just cry and it felt _so good_ and even though there’s still danger around, Kanaya knows how to use that chainsaw pretty damn well, and Porrim is probably even better at chainsaw-wielding, and he just.

He was.

He lets himself just be. 

How long? Didn’t matter. Because for once, in his stupid fucking life, Eridan feels like he can breathe. And maybe, just maybe, he would be okay.

He hopes.

He wakes up sometime later and almost panics. There is a _shitton_ more weight on him than before, what the fuck is going on, what _happened–_

He tries to move and hears someone groan.

“Be fucking _careful,_ fuckass–” And _okay that’s Karkat._ So. _Slowly,_ Eridan turns his head and tries not to stab the troll with his horns, and he finds Karkat hugging his side like some angry teddy bear. He’s about to ask what the hell happened when there’s another noise from his left. He squints in the vague direction to find Kanaya and belatedly realizes that she still has her arms wrapped around him in her sleep.

...both of them have their arms wrapped around him. He was being sandwiched by the troll he used to flush pale for and the troll who he willingly allowed to chop him in half with a beauty-related weapon of forestry. And he was outside. In his dreambubble.

Was it _really_ worth it being awake? Was it _really???_ Was he _actually_ awake here, or was this some sort of–

Kanaya shifts a bit and the tip of one horn pokes into his cheek. One, fucking _ow,_ two, he was apparently very much awake. With two trolls cuddling him. There are many many questions to be asked here, but he is very much determined not to ask any of them until he had a chance to relish in the feeling of actual loving pale cuddling. Is he in diamonds with either of these people? Hell no. But cuddles were cuddles and Eridan’s still partially sleepy, so he just moves his head and lets Kanaya rest her forehead against his shoulder. With his other arm, he pulls Karkat closer to him and smiles as the tiny troll grabs more fistfuls of Eridan’s shirt. 

Eridan exhales and closes his eyes, letting himself drift a bit. This was… good. Good. 

When he opens his eyes again, it’s because Porrim has set herself down by their heads. She’s humming as she does something in her lap, leaning up against what Eridan can barely identify as a tree, and he mumbles some nonsense under his breath. The blob of her head turns to look at him.

“Go+o+d mo+rning.” He grunts in return.

“Hey. Wwhere are my glasses?...”

“Oh, here. So+rry abo+ut that, I didn’t want them bro+ken o+vernight.” 

“Thank you.” His voice feels raspy and suddenly all the chaos from yesterday comes back and winds him. He’s stuck with wide eyes, mouth gaping open, and staring at the sky in pure terror. He could feel his fins waving uselessly at his sides, and Porrim was suddenly yanking him up by his armpits and pulling him into her lap. “Hey. _Hey,_ no+, we’re no+t go+ing to+ hyperventilate, c’mo+n…” 

Her voice is calming.

Eridan continues to flounder. 

Kanaya and Karkat are awake at this point after having their makeshift pillow ripped away from them, blinking blearily into the morning and half-ready to attack. It’s a nice sentiment, but it would probably feel better if he didn’t feel like he was dying. Porrim sighs from behind him and thumps his back. Instinctually, he takes a massive gulp of air in and suddenly it feels like the world has come back into focus. Karkat is scrambling towards him and shoosh-papping like the universe itself depends on him forcing this singular seadweller to _take a fucking breath inwards how hard can it BE,_ and Kanaya was _somewhere who the fuck knows where Eridan sure doesn’t!!!!!!_

With some _aggressive_ shoosh-papping, two Maryam’s worth of encouraging words, and Eridan _finally_ putting on his fucking glasses, he manages to calm down enough to take stock of the situation. He’s outside, great. Edge of the dreambubble where he would sit and watch the universe and the other bubbles wasn’t too far away, so that was wonderful. And…

“...did wwe movve at _all_ from last night???”

“No, You Fell Asleep On Me And We Deemed It Best Not To Move. Porrim’s Equivalent of Feferi–”

“Her name is Meenah and she is _leagues_ better than who+ yo+u recieved.”

“Yes, Meenah Was Able To Take Feferi Away With The Aid Of Terezi And Vriska, As Well As Vriska’s Equivalent.”

“Aranea. We call o+urselves ‘dancesto+rs’ because the timeline has made it so+ we can be either yo+ur descendants o+r ancesto+rs. Do+n’t ask.”

“Wwasn’t plannin’ to. So, Feferi got wwhisked awway, great.”

“Indeed. Karkat And I Stayed To Make Sure You Would Be Alright If You Woke Up, And The Others Cycled Through On Watch To Make Sure We Were Safe And That Feferi Would Not Return.” 

“And Porrim is here because she’s got the Maryam instinct and your dancestor-thing made some sort of promise that he wouldn’t let Feferi near you.” Karkat is still rubbing his eyes, voice still soft after the papping. Eridan gives him a funny look. “...oh, _what.”_

“Nothin’, nothin’!!! Just… not used t’ you not yelling evverything.”

“Would you _rather_ I yell right now?”

 _“Abso+lutely No+t.”_ Both Maryams say at once, and Eridan can’t help but laugh. 

“Wwell, ya got your answwer.” Eridan quirks a smile. 

Karkat makes a strangled noise and turns away, and, is,,,is he blushing??? Whatever. Deal with that later.

“Also, wwhat happened to Davvepeta and Hallie???” Eridan looks around. “Wwhere’d they go?”

“Strider Hang Out. Apparently Dirk Had A History With Hallie, And Dave Had Connections To Davepeta. They Trusted Us To Take Care Of You.” Kanaya supplied.

Hm. Does NOT sound good. Eridan grimaces.

“C’mon, Eridan.” Karkat says softly. “I think we need to catch up.”

“Yes, That’d Be Nice.” Kanaya smiles kindly.

“I’d like to+ hear abo+ut the shenanigans little rebo+o+ted Cro+nus go+t up to+.” Porrim quirks a mischievous smile.

“Yeah, yeah, I can do that.” And so, he just talks. Talks about his time. Talks about the new family he made. Talked about all the hijinks the three got into.

It was nice.

He hopes that he can do this again, some day.


End file.
